chagrin and give up

I am sick of crying,
................tired of trying,
..............................inside i'm smiling
..........................................but outside i'm dying

the chagrin seems never wanted to reach the line of 'End' it become bigger and bigger and than huge... its hurt, now i am not hurt anymore because my heart was finished eaten by the passing time... it was chagrin leads my time as they passed through now, i am just put my hands up and say i am give up.. i will let it end itself and waiting for results. its up to her! i had try all the things i supposed to do. i had play a role in this story like the theme character wanted to.. and i am truly tired of this 'joyfully' games. and i am 'enjoy' plus i am give up.. just now, there is another problems against to me.. the problem's title also stay the same but the different character.. ohh... wow! look! I have increased up to the next level in this game... so proud huh? hmmm.... i am sick of this misery and i don't know what to do. i have friends but.... it seems like i have no friends anymore.. humph! never mind... why do we need to chase them if they just laughing on. why am i losing everyone... loneliness? its not a big serious matter for me but what have i done to deserve this? now, i do regret the error... i am give up. i am give up other than that i am resign! i won't play this game and i'll left all of this. i don't want to think about it i want to be live in new life page.. and sketch the new pattern :))

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the saddest part isn't not each passing day, i feel like i need you but its the fact that you don't need me at all. i stare blankly at the page, and feel my feelings. i can't put to words what i am thinking. my soul say, just trust in fate and god... and i replied with trusting the fate and god. full stop! ngee :D